Comments on: We Are Not the Enemy: Rethinking the Mommy Wars

By: Tatiana

Tatiana — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 14:55:33 +0000

great post hope to see some additional comments here…

By: Tatiana

Tatiana — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 14:08:25 +0000

great post hope to see some additional comments next Friday…adios

By: seo blog

seo blog — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 20:25:01 +0000

This is a really interesting blog post,I have added your blog to my favourites I really like it,keep up the good work!

By: Erin Simonitch

Erin Simonitch — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 22:04:30 +0000

Aleida, thanks for commenting! Your situation sounds ideal…I think that kind of model is something to shoot for, with partners as full co-parents and flexible schedules. I really respect anyone who can be a student and a parent at the same time.

Madison, I agree–the best way to reduce abortions (and perhaps the only effective way) is to make it easier both to BE a mom and to NOT be a mom.

Erin, it is rather diabolical, isn’t it?

Caitlin, you make a really interesting point. I do think there is a certain amount of struggle for men, as well–I think we should give men paternity leave and honor dads as nurturers in ways we haven’t really achieved yet. But I think men are still a lot more likely to have their choices in this regard respected, whatever they do. It also seems to me that any parenting by a dad gets praised as surpassing expectations, which just shows how we see men in this world.

However, that may not be true for all dads–this post at Diary of an Anxious Black Woman talks about problematic perceptions of black fathers.

By: Caitlin

Caitlin — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 16:46:32 +0000

I think this was implicit in this (great) post, but I think it’s worth noting that men don’t face a comparable parenting struggle. There are no “daddy wars.” There is much less social pressure on heterosexual men to father. And, fathers are not expected to prioritize being a primary child caregiver over their career. Instead, men who still parent far less than their children’s mothers are routinely celebrated as model fathers, even while mothers struggle to do it all.

By: Erin

Erin — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 19:29:56 +0000

A neat trick, that. Convince us that motherhood is the most essential, feminine thing we can do and that all women on some level want to do it…then devalue it. The transitive law of social oppression in effect. Woman=Mother or Non-Maternal Woman

By: Madison

Madison — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 18:17:06 +0000

Erin, this was a fantastic post, and a reminder of the greater context of an RJ stance. All women- mothers or not- are affected by continuing expectations of what “real” womanhood is, and all the insidious ways these expectations are enforced. I’ve always thought that if someone wants to see a reduction in the number of abortions there are two things that can be done without interfering with a woman’s right to choose. One, work to make contraceptives and health care more widely available, and two, work to support mothers in all walks of life.

By: Aleida

Aleida — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 14:09:22 +0000

I am a mom who is going in for Veterinary Medicine in so I am also a pre-vet student. I am “becoming the change I want to see” in that I am doing both, and loving both. I have a wonderful husband and we co-parent. He loves it too because he can spend 3 workdays at work and the rest of the time with the family. We have something special, I know, but I think with the right attitudes in place, both are achievable and certainly rewarding! I think I have the best of both worlds, and I also know not everyone would want it how I have it. So, if you don’t want children, there is nothing wrong with that at all. (I see you have made that point).

Great article, I loved reading it!