Last week, like many San Franciscans, I got geared up for a weekend full of LGBT Pride activities, culminating in a Sunday festival in the streets of San Francisco. 

 

The week before Pride I spent the weekend in New York, and made a point of visiting the Stonewall Inn, the site of the start of the famous Stonewall Rebellion 40 years ago.  In the 1960’s in New York, most gay bars were unable to obtain a valid liquor license, as licenses could be denied to establishments that would allow immoral behavior (such as homosexuality).  Gay men and lesbians would have to approach a peep hole, and the bouncer would have to decide based on their appearance whether they were gay and allowed in; of course they would also have to appear straight enough to avoid harassment on the way to the bar.  Raids were a regular part of patronizing a gay bar, and arrests were more likely if you were dressed in drag (guy or girl drag).  On July 28, 1969 Stonewall Inn was raided, and someone hit back, starting an incredible rebellion against the police who had for so long been oppressing queer folks.  A year after the Stonewall Rebellion, New York and Los Angeles held the first ever gay pride parades. 

 

Stonewall Inn is currently adorned in old photos of champions of the early gay rights movement.  It was the first time in my life that visiting a bar gave me goose bumps, and recounting the experience makes me want to cry.  It is a truly incredible experience to be in a place that you know began the movement for rights that you now enjoy. It was moving to know that without those who fought before us in this very bar, my whole life would be different. 

 

I returned to San Francisco to go to this year’s LGBT Pride celebration and honor the progress we have made since Stonewall.  This year was my first ever San Francisco Pride, and the also the first Pride I have been to in 5 years.  When I used to attend Pride I did so as a lesbian, now I attend as a straight (trans) man.  In my experience Pride has long been, in addition to a giant party, a place where many members of alternative sexualities go to meet people to hook up and/or date. 

 

After returning from Stonewall and having had such a deep emotional connection to the oppression that led to the early gay rights movement, I felt myself becoming angered by the “hooking up” view of Pride.  Saturday night of Pride I attended the Pink Party, I huge party in the streets of San Francisco, with fun music, and dancing in the streets.  While I was ecstatic to have a night out dancing, I felt frustrated that so many people dancing on the streets with people of the same sex were unaware of how much the people before us sacrificed for us to have such a freedom. 

 

Sunday was the parade and the festival, and it was at this time that I was able to reconcile my feelings of excitement for the freedoms we have today and my frustration with the lack of deference to the past that has brought us these freedoms.  Some of my absolutely incredible and supportive straight women-born friends were at the festival with me.  At some point a comment was made in jest that hitting on any of the men would be pointless.  It was at that moment when I let go of my frustrations with people viewing Pride as a place to hook up.  I remembered that as a lesbian, every time I would ask out a woman that I had not confirmed was attracted to women, my heart beat so fast I thought it might jump right out of my chest.  Unlike the nervousness that many people feel, my fear was not only of rejection, but a fear for my emotional and physical well being.  Beyond rejection of your romantic interest, as someone endeavoring for a same sex date, you risk a complete social rejection.  You risk someone being absolutely disgusted that you would even ask them out.  Also, in some cases you face the risk of physical retaliation.  With all of that, it is amazing people ask out others of the same sex at all. 

 

Straight people at Pride are unlikely to find a date, however, it is not too daunting of a loss, there is always tomorrow.  For people seeking dates with members of the same sex, everyday is “straight person at Pride” day.  Pride is the one day a year where you can go up to someone of the same sex and ask them out with only the fear of everyday rejection.  You can ask someone out without all of the excess fears of ostracism or physical harm.  Even if you ask out someone who is straight, the same fear of physical harm is not there because it is a space that is safe for all sexualities.  Pride, in many ways, is the one day when gay men and lesbians get a taste of what life is like to be straight in our society, or what life would be like if most people were queer.

 

Although I do wish Pride emphasized a little more appreciation of what it took to have the level of freedom we enjoy today, I realize that Pride in some ways should be a party where people can ask each other out and/or hook up.  Being able to be yourself without fear for one day a year is a form of pride in and of itself.

 

This year marks the 40^th anniversary of the Stonewall Rebellion.  So whether you are straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, queer, or any other identity, what are your proud of?

 

-James T. Larkin

This entry was posted on Friday, July 17th, 2009 at 7:22 pm and is filed under guests, lgbtqiq, sexuality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.