Back to Reality: Why Abstinence-Only Education Needs an Upgrade
In a scene from the most recent Twilight movie, Bella tries to convince Edward that she wants him and wants to take the next step in their relationship by having sex. While Edward makes it clear that he definitely wants her back, he tells her that in his time, there would be a whole process before any of this could take place. He would have wooed her, they’d hold hands, he’d get permission from her father to marry her, they’d get married, then they’d do the deed. Bella informs him that it’s now her day in age, and that’s definitely not the way it works. Who knew that Twilight would have such a brilliant metaphor for why abstinence-only education doesn’t work?
The problem with abstinence-only education is not so much that it wants teenagers to prolong sexual activity until they are married, but more that it’s completely out of touch with today’s modern teenager. Suporters of ab-only education seem to believe that sex should only occur during marriage, and anything outside of that concept is morally wrong. They suggest that comprehensive sex education that teaches students about condoms and other forms of contraception is what causes teenagers to engage in sexual behavior. As if saying, well if kids don’t learn about condoms and contraception from their sex-ed teacher at school, then they will magically never be curious about sex or have any idea what it is. Apparently, they’ve never turned on their TV.
The simple truth is, teenagers are exposed to sex on a regular basis, whether their parents want to accept it or not. It’s on TV. It’s in music videos and song lyrics. It’s in magazines and print ads for their favorite clothing store. And on that little thing called the internet. Sex is a part of our society and our culture, plain and simple. Sexuality is part of the human condition. And it’s complicated.
There may have been a time in our society where sex was considered to only be accepted as between a married man and his wife, for the express purposes of procreating. Don’t we know better by now? Aren’t we now aware that people have sex who are not married to each other, that there are men who have sex with other men and women who have sex with other women, that some people simply don’t want children, or even to ever get married? Abstinence-only education seems to ignore many of the facts about sex in modern culture. Like Edward, they seem to believe that we live in a time where men still court women, and only after receiving her father’s permission and holy matrimony, is sex an appropriate option.
But times have changed dramatically since the Victorian Era. Most women no longer see marriage as their only means of obtaining wealth, and certainly don’t need the permission of their fathers to get married. The gap between when people first hav sex and when they decide to marry is widening. Some women wait to settle down until after they’ve been able to go to college and start their careers. In fact, some women don’t even see marriage and children as a desirable lifestyle. Gays and lesbians don’t even have the option of getting married in most states. How does abstinence-only education address these modern needs? It doesn’t. In most versions of ab-only curricula, it simply ignores the viewpoints of anyone who doesn’t believe that sex should occur within the confines of marriage.
So what’s the danger in promoting a form of sex education that only offers a singular viewpoint? Well, if the numerous reports of the failure of abstinence-only isn’t enough, there’s also a simple matter of understanding the psyche of teenagers. I’m not a parent, but I have worked with quite a number of adolescents and teenagers, and one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that you don’t get very far telling a teenager that they only have one choice: doing it your way. Presenting teenagers with options is usually a pretty effective way to get them to do what they need to while letting them feel like they have some control. The most informed choice a teenager can make is when they have received comprehensive, medically accurate, and age-appropriate sex and sexuality education. Ultimately, they will be the ones making choices about their sexual actions, and they should be given accurate information to make informed decisions, including the decision to wait to have sex until they are completely ready.
Telling young people not ot engage in sexual activity until they are married, but not acknowledging the exposure and pressure to have sex is a recipe for disaster. It doesn’t result in them not having sex, but rather having unprotected sex and increasing their risk for sexually transmitted infections, unwanted pregnancies, and possibly a broken heart. It doesn’t address the urges and desires that naturally occur or provide guidance for how to express those feelings in a way that doesn’t harm others. Not giving young adults the tools that they need to properly navigate their transition into adulthood does them a great disservice. It’s like knowing the best way for teenagers to avoid a car accident is to never ride in a car, so we’re not going to teach them to wear seatbelts, to only ride with responsible drivers, or to slow down when the conditions are less than ideal. Ignoring the reality of a situation does not prevent it from happening.
Teenagers live in a different world than their parents did. They face different challenges, pressures, and obstacles than older generations could even imagine. The point of sex education should be to give students the best information possible to make responsible decisions. So that when the time comes for teenagers to make choices about sexual activity, the education they’ve received will actually reflect an option that’s right for them.
Jeryl Hayes